Archive for July, 2009
Promises to Keep
Wednesday, July 29th, 2009Diligent. Helpful. Loyal. Does this sound like you? Do you walk on burning coals to meet other people’s needs? What about your own? You don’t have to be a family caregiver to fall into this trap. Many baby boomers, male or female, succumb to this people-pleasing syndrome that Dr. Harriet Braiker calls The Disease to Please.
As we race along this collision course called life, we are desperately hoping to please our boss, our parents, our partners, and our friends. Somewhere in this scramble, we lose ourselves. As the burden of caring for aging parents or other loved ones weighs upon us, we drop our dreams by the side of the road.
We spend every last ounce of energy in our quest to be the perfect employee or angelic omniscient caregiver. We make promises to our co-workers, to our siblings, and to people we just met. But what about the promises we made to ourselves?
Maybe we promised that we would lose 50 pounds or save for retirement. Maybe we promised ourselves to finally finish writing that book. By now, you’re probably hip to the fact that I’m talking about myself here. I’ve been writing a book since the dawn of modern civilization. I’ve become that boring cocktail party pariah who sends people scurrying to freshen their drinks. Enough already!
So here’s the deal. I’m taking a self-imposed summer sabbatical to embark on my own book blitz. My goal is to complete the manuscript, including the reference section, by the second week of September. I reserve the right to blog about my progress if the spirit moves me.
See you in September. If you’re a boomer, those song lyrics may conjure up some memories. I never made it to Woodstock, but my flower child persona embarrassed my conservative sister so much that she refused to walk next to me unless I lost the head band and love beads.
By the way, what promises have you made to yourself? As Dr. Phil would say, "How’s that working for you?"
Who Will Speak for You?
Friday, July 17th, 2009It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it. When you choose a patient advocate for you or your loved ones, make sure that person is someone who is both competent and able to communicate your wishes. Your closest family member may not be the best choice if that person is not assertive or has physical challenges that limit his or her ability to battle on your behalf. I have seen some real nightmares play out in hospital halls when well-meaning but ineffective relatives frustrated themselves and everyone else in their failed attempts to advocate for their patient. No amount of tears can compensate for confused communication.
On a recent hospital visit, someone asked me, "Are you a nurse?" My response was, "No, I just hang out with a lot of sick people." Here are a few things I’ve learned on my own path through the medical maze.
Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones:
- Designate someone who can communicate, speak for you and advocate on your behalf.
- Execute Advance Directive documents. A Living Will spells out your wishes about medical and end of life issues. A Health Care Proxy, a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Decisions, or a Health Care Power of Attorney are variations of a document that allows you to authorize someone to act on your behalf and make decisions about your medical care when you are no longer competent to do so.
- Enlist the aid of the social worker at the assisted living or rehab facility. He or she may be able to intercede with the doctor and communicate your concerns. Ideally, engage the services of a geriatric care manager early in the process.
- If you do not want the medical team rushing in "full code" with a defibrillator, talk to your doctor and ask that a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) Order be placed in your file. Inspect your file to see that it’s there.
On this blog, I share my personal experiences in the hope that you may avoid some of the mistakes I’ve seen and made along the way. I am not a medical professional or an attorney. Please consult your own advisers about the choices that are best for you and your loved ones.
June Newsletter
Thursday, July 9th, 2009If you missed our June newsletter, you can read the archived version by clicking here.