Archive for May, 2009
Check the Label
Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
Some family caregivers are angels on earth. I have not yet earned my wings. Like many of you, I’m still a work in progress. As a boomer and a life coach, I talk and write about my experiences as a caregiver. Caregiving is one of the things that I do. I do my best not to let it define who I am. I’m working on losing the label.
It’s no secret that labels can be limiting. I contracted polio as an infant. I was fortunate that my case was mild and the physical effects are not obvious. I find that I invoke the label polio survivor when I’m feeling less than optimal, when emotional fatigue has set in and I’m looking for an excuse to skip a meeting or dodge a volunteer request. That’s when I play "the polio card."
Many boomers walk around wearing an invisible C for Caregiver like a modern version of The Scarlet Letter. It’s like a stigma that we carry with us everywhere we go. If you’re not mindful, your time and emotions can become consumed by your caregiver role. You may find yourself at networking meetings talking about your mother. Trust me, I’ve been there.
Caregiving is a long continuum that includes everything from long-distance phone calls to full-time living arrangements. It’s a marathon not a sprint. Taking your mother grocery shopping once a week is one thing. Giving up your job and home to move back in and care for her full-time is a whole other story. It’s important to conserve your energy for the long haul. Sometimes a crisis will occur. Do your best to move through it and get back on track with your own work and wellness goals. If you stay stuck in crisis mode, you’ll never make it to the finish line.
By no means do I wish to minimize the enormous toll that caregiving can take on every level of your being. I’m in the same boat. I have experienced the energy-sapping effects of caregiver burnout. I also know that in every moment, we have a choice. Like my polio, I know that it’s easy to use caregiving as a crutch. We can choose to be a victim or we can choose to take responsibility for our own health and happiness. Give yourself permission to take a caregiver time-out and get back in the game of life.
Being a caregiver can be a blessing and an opportunity for intimacy and personal growth. Just don’t hide your light behind your caregiver label. You are special because of who you are, not just because of what you do.
How about you? Do you talk about caregiving when you attend business meetings? Has that been a source of rapport with other boomers or a stigma with potential employers, clients and referral partner? What might you do differently?
The Truth About Assisted Living
Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
When we travel on vacation, we pack our bags in a spirit of joyful anticipation. When our journey involves a transition to assisted living, we carry a heavier load of emotional baggage.
When Ryan Malone was only 33, his mother suffered a stroke. He managed her care through hospitalization, skilled nursing and assisted living. Compassionate and wise beyond his years, Malone is a staunch advocate for dignity and quality of life for long-term care residents and for caregivers. He blended his business background with his personal experience to create The By Families, For Families Guide to Assisted Living: A Step-by-Step Guide to Evaluating and Transitioning to an Assisted Living Community.
As the title suggests, Malone takes his readers step-by-step through the following stages:
- Assessing the Need to Transition to Assisted Living
- Searching for a Facility
- Finding Quality of Life Living in Assisted Living
Malone is the managing editor of insideeldercare.com, the leading online resource for helping families evaluate and understand the transition to assisted living. When you visit the site, you can purchase this priceless guide that comes with an easy-to-implement companion workbook and these bonus gifts:
- Your First 30 Days in Assisted Living (large print and co-authored by Ryan’s mom)
- Assisted Living Concierge, a toll-free, telephone-based referral service for legal and financial services, including Medicaid planning
- Assisted Living Book Club
The By Families, For Families Guide to Assisted Living is visually attractive, practical and interactive. Malone supports his personal expertise with solid research, charts and references to data about the real cost of long-term care. The Companion Workbook and New Resident Guide fits into a 3-ring binder and includes a quality of life assessment, a family preparedness inventory, and a caregiver stress assessment. You’ll find tips for creating and tapping into your own support network. You can also read a sample advance healthcare directive and a sample residency agreement.
Life would have been far less traumatic if I had known about these materials when my "mother-in-law" had her stroke. I’m so impressed with Malone’s suite of products that I registered as an affiliate to help spread the word. I invite you to learn the truth about assisted living by visiting insideeldercare.com
As you travel on your own personal journey, pack a copy of The By Families, For Families Guide to Assisted Living. We’re all in this together.
April Newsletter
Thursday, May 7th, 2009If you missed our April newsletter, you can read the archived version by clicking here.