Archive for October, 2007
Saturday, October 13th, 2007
A review of
Breaking the Watch: The Meanings of Retirement in America by Joel S. Savishinsky
What does it mean to retire? More importantly, how do we find meaning in retirement?
In
Breaking the Watch: The Meanings of Retirement in America, retirees in Shelby trust their stories to Joel S. Savishinsky, a professor in the Social Sciences, Department of Anthropology and the Gerontology Institute at Ithaca College. If you like reading Studs Terkel or Margaret Mead, you’ll probably love this book. It blends ethnography and storytelling as it poses the question, “Is there life after work?”
This book really asks what it means to live. In the words of one of the residents, “What does it mean when the undertaker zips up that black bag?”
Embedded in Shelby, a community whose name has been altered as have those of its residents, Savishinsky follows 13 men and 13 women through the process of retirement. He employs the anthropologist techniques of participant-observation, interviewing and eliciting life stories. Over the course of several years, he attends retirement dinners and meets with residents in coffee shops and the comfort of their own homes. He studies formal rituals and informal rites of passage associated with retirement in American society. The author invokes the American archetypes of the cowboy and the settler, and examines the concept of retirement in the context of culture, character and history.
Shelby’s storytellers live in a web of marriage, grandparenting and friendship. Their family matters and money matters are connected. They are living proof that as people age, they become more individuated and live more diversified lifestyles than do younger folks. Some are firmly planted. Others choose to become gray-haired nomads. You don’t need to read fiction to find conflicts between freedom and roots, between adventure and security, between family responsibility and personal fulfillment. Those issues permeate the lives of Shelby’s retirees, and as with beloved characters in a favorite novel, it’s hard to say goodbye.
This book is a valuable resource not only for retirees, but also for coaches, therapists, gerontologists, physicians and anyone working with people later in life. For your convenience, we’ve included
Breaking the Watch: The Meanings of Retirement in America in our Amazon Associate store.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
I know many people who are standing at the intersection of caregiving and retirement. I’ve witnessed the financial impact caregiving can have on a person’s lifetime income. Some women drop out of the workforce to devote themselves to family caregiving only to find themselves old and destitute with no retirement savings. I’ve also seen very active people retire then go overboard, turning family caregiving into a career. Sometimes immersion is the only solution, but often people with ample resources run themselves ragged because they are unable to surrender control. Retirement has created a void and family caregiving makes them feel needed. Midlife Menu focuses on these core issues facing baby boomers and members of the sandwich generation.
As a journalist, I’ve been trained to keep my point of view out of the story. As a private person, blogging makes me feel a bit exposed. At the same time, sharing my personal history may help explain the evolution of Midlife Menu.
I was born in the late 1940s and contracted polio as an infant. When I was 5, I suffered a skull fracture. It was my own fault. I walked up behind the kid next door who innocently cracked my head open when he swung a baseball bat. He felt worse than I did. Well, almost. My father sewed up my head because the ER doc was too traumatized. My dad had been a medic during World War II. He was part of the first wave on Normandy. He died of cancer at 51.
Through the years, I have struggled with my own personal medical issues. I’ve also cared for family and friends with a host of medical problems ranging from cancer to obscure respiratory ailments, from hypertension, diabetes and heart conditions to herniated discs.
On the day of the Rodney King verdict, Los Angeles erupted in civil unrest. I sat with my mother in the lobby as injured people streamed into the hospital. We were waiting for the van to return from a lab across town. The doctors had sent off a sample of my mother’s blood so the lab could separate her red and white cells in order to inject a dye and pinpoint the site of a life-threatening infection. Never a dull moment.I am not a licensed therapist. I earned a master’s degree in clinical psychology and was awarded the Psi Chi Distinguished Student Award, but before completing my internship, I made the choice to devote my energies to family caregiving. I have no regrets, but I’m a long way from my own retirement. I started writing to save my sanity, to vent my frustration, and to make use of the time as I sat in medical waiting rooms. I hope that by creating Midlife Menu and sharing what I’ve learned, you will be more informed and feel less alone.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
For most people change can be stressful. When people retire, they may feel the loss of structure, social connections and a shared mission. Like any kind of travel, the journey into the future can go more smoothly with the help of a guide. Coaches are change agents. Working with a coach is one way to ease the transition from work to retirement.
Coaching is not therapy. We don’t probe into your past. We help you live more fully in the present and plan for a fulfilling future. We encourage you to set and achieve goals that are meaningful to you. These goals can be as challenging as joining The Peace Corps or as simple as joining a gym. You decide the outcomes.
Coaches provide motivation and objectivity. They provide a new perspective and serve as a sounding board for your ideas. They are available to brainstorm ideas and help you explore choices. During retirement life-planning sessions, we invite you to explore what you want to do with the rest of your life. We build on your strengths and examine whether your behavior is in sync with your values. You may choose to look at your attitudes about aging and the idea of retirement. You will assess your current level of life satisfaction and make plans to improve any areas that are not working for you.
Working with a coach, you may investigate new hobbies, engage in volunteering, or strengthen your connections to your loved ones and the greater community. You may even launch a whole new phase known as your retirement career. You will create a plan but remain open to new possibilities.
Sometimes retirement can lead to depression, especially among people who identified very strongly with their previous employment. In a retired state, these people may feel a low level of life satisfaction and have little hope for the future. In such cases, we suggest that the client seek the services of a licensed mental health professional.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
In addition to good health and financial security, a happy retirement can be affected positively or negatively by the responsibility of caring for dependents. This role is not limited to caring for an aging parent, an ill spouse or a disabled child. Increasingly, grandparents are being awarded custody and raising their own grandchildren. An estimated 15,000 to 20,000 grandparents are homeschooling their grandchildren, and the number is increasing. Some of these grandparents have custody. Others live in multigenerational households with their own adult children.
Grandparenting can bring special joys for all concerned. Children and grandparents can grow and benefit by building a loving relationship. Grandparents can share history, teach skills, and keep family traditions alive. Whether in person, by phone or e-mail, a grandparent can become a child’s special friend. Spending time helping children learn helps the seniors stay sharp.
When are grandparents too old to care for their grandchildren? Guidelines call for placing children in settings that best meet their physical and psychological needs. In Philadelphia, a family court judge ordered social services to place a 5-year-old in foster care, stating that the child’s 89 year-old grandfather and 86-year-old grandmother were too old to care for him.
Whether you’re raising your grandchildren or just trying to have a loving relationship with them, be realistic about your own energy level and your tolerance for noise, physical activity, and mess. Set clear boundaries with your children and grandchildren about what does and does not work for you.
The UCLA Center on Aging will host Grandparents and Their Grandchildren: Making Connections Work, a panel discussion moderated by Gary Small, MD on Oct. 13, 2007. Many other organizations offer support for the entire family. The Foundation for Grandparenting is dedicated to raising grandparent consciousness to better the lives of grandchildren, parents, grandparents and the community. Learn more about their education, research, programs and networking at
www.grandparenting.org
Even if you’re not a grandparent yourself, you can make a difference for other grandparents who are dealing with urgent parenting issues. In Southern California, Grandparents as Parents (GAP) is meeting the needs of a special group of children. GAP provides programs and services to meet the urgent and ongoing needs of grandparents and other relative caregivers raising at-risk children. They conduct support groups in Panorama City, Woodland Hills, Pomona, Long Beach, Santa Fe Springs, Inglewood, Santa Clarita, Carson and Sherman Oaks.
Whether you’re a caregiver in need or a potential supporter, visit the GAP website to learn more about their services. Consult their resource list. Purchase a book, make a donation or learn other ways to help at
www.grandparentsasparents.org Tweet This Post
Thursday, October 4th, 2007
For all that’s been written about the hazards of seniors behind the wheel, there is another hazard that exists. Exhausted, frazzled, distracted caregivers can become real road hazards. Trust me. I’ve been there.
As we returned from her doctor’s appointment, my mother was having a meltdown. I attempted to calm her down while listening to her front seat driver directions. I stopped at a crosswalk then glanced up at the cute banner advertising an animal art exhibit. I had a momentary brain freeze. Then I started up again, just as a pedestrian stepped off the curb. You can guess what comes next. Getting the ticket was disturbing enough. Yelling at my mother to get back in the car and stop shouting at the nice police officer made it even more special.
That office visit cost me four billable hours plus the price of the ticket, eight hours in traffic school and the fee to attend. I accept total responsibility for my momentary lapse, and I am very grateful that I did not cause an accident and injure anyone. If this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. This is only the third ticket I’ve received in almost 40 years of driving. The other two were within one month of getting a new sports car many years ago. Caregivers beware. Self-care is critical to everyone’s survival. Get adequate rest. Pay attention. Don’t let your beloved passengers distract you. Avoid becoming a statistic.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
A trip to the doctor’s office is stressful enough without the intrusion of cell phone conversations. While waiting for a medical appointment, I was subjected to the cellular rant of a young male patient. He fancied himself God’s Gift to the World or at least to all the women waiting in the room. A captive audience, we were forced to listen as he strut around the room boasting about a neighbor who offered to help change his dressing. He was sure the gold-digger was just after his money. He ranted on about his injury, sparing us none of the graphic details. I came very close to inflicting another injury on this lout.
Listening to other patients is bad enough, but I really come unglued when it’s the medical personnel yakking on the phone. I recently underwent two emergency surgeries within six days. I will spare you the graphic details except to say that the second surgery resulted in a large wound that required home health care. As I lay there in a most compromising position, the male nurse leaned over me and began to pack the wound. It was impossible to ignore the blue light blinking on his ear. It was also impossible to run or hide when he started yakking away as he packed my gut with gauze.
As difficult as it is for me, it’s much worse for my 80-plus mother. She suffers from white coat syndrome. Any medical visit triggers anxiety and sends her blood pressure skyward. During an unpleasant pulmonary function test, the medical technician stopped the procedure to engage in a long personal phone call. That was nothing compared to her epidural shot. Frightened, she sat on the edge of the hospital bed, her gown open, her spine painted purple with iodine. The doctor had marked the spot and was in the process of injecting the needle when the phone in his pocket rang. He directed his nurse to remove and answer the phone. They proceeded to play telephone relay with the nurse acting as the interpreter. The conversation really was about his golf clubs.
Emergencies aside, when we wait two hours for our 15-minute appointments, is it too much to ask that the doctors give us their undivided attention? Can they please put the care back in health care? I’ll take Marcus Welby over McDreamy any day.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
Are you secretly feeling a bit resentful about your caregiving responsibilities? Perhaps you are estranged from a sibling, a parent or other family member. Are you starting to burn out? Maybe you just need some respite and time to yourself.
Researchers are finding that painting classes, singing lessons and acting workshops can boost the physical and mental health of mature adults. Studies show that professionally taught arts programs in writing, visual arts, dance, music and drama can lower stress levels.
Beginning in 2001, George Washington University’s Center on Aging, Health and Humanities conducted a National Institutes of Health study of adults over 65. Compared to the control group, the arts program participants had fewer doctors’ visits, took fewer medications and reported less depression and higher morale after one year. A pilot study at the School of Nursing, Barry University, Miami Shores, Fla. tested the effects of art-making classes for family caregivers of patients with cancer. The art-making class appeared to reduce anxiety and stress. Further study with replication and a control group was suggested. See Oncol Nurs Forum.2007 Jan; 34(1):38.
Creativity can have a beneficial effect on health. Previous research has shown that when older adults have a sense of mastery or control, their immune systems improve. Art class participants form new friendships and the programs can function as de facto support groups. For retirees, painting can provide a sense of productivity and purpose.
High-quality instruction is key. Paint Your Pain Away is a painting and writing program offered by artist, graphic designer and teacher Grace Comisso. Participants receive intuitive direction to help them release pain and gain the clarity to live a more harmonious life. On the website, you can view a sample exercise called Connectricity Portraits where students work with old photos that portray them and estranged family members.
Designed for the beginner and the professional, Paint Your Pain Away combines painting and journaling. It is a healing respite for patients, family caregivers and medical professionals. Custom programs are available. Visit
www.paintyourpainaway.com.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
The decision to stop driving can be a difficult one. It can also be difficult when you’re the one taking away their keys.
Recent tragedies have increased concerns about public safety, but statistics show that most older drivers are safe drivers. When compared to other age groups, older drivers have fewer accidents per driver. Many accidents are caused by younger drivers who are distracted by their cell phones or impaired by alcohol. Unfortunately, older drivers do have a higher rate of accidents and fatalities per mile driven. Cataracts, glaucoma and other problems can limit their vision. Stiffness may make it difficult to turn their necks to make safe lane changes or to navigate a parking space. Reflexes may be slow and medication can cause confusion. In some cases, assistive devices such as wide vision mirrors or pedal extenders can help make driving safer.
Despite the loss of freedom and connections that result, many seniors voluntarily choose to stop driving. Other times, the decision is forced upon them by government agencies or concerned relatives.
Some states do not allow license renewal by mail for drivers over the age of 65. Politicians have called for mandatory testing of drivers 70 and older. Some restricted licenses limit the time or location that a senior can drive. Renewing a license in California may become more difficult. The Department of Motor Vehicles is conducting a pilot project involving intensive tests of vision, reflex and memory to identify drivers who may be too impaired to drive. For details on the test see the article that ran in The Los Angeles Times on Sept. 30, 2007. See
latimes.com
When older drivers decide to surrender their license, the decision may impact their loved ones. Some seniors will choose to take advantage of taxis, buses and other forms of public transportation. Paratransit services and medivans can fill some needs. But in many cases, adult children will become the transportation of choice. Accompanying an aging parent on errands can be an opportunity for sharing quality time together. But you need to be realistic. There is often a perception that self-employed offspring have much more flexibility than their siblings who have “real jobs.” The reality is that for entrepreneurs, time spent driving to medical appointments and shopping is time not spent building your business. In all likelihood, your income will be affected, and you may not be able to retire as early as you would like. You want to do all you can for your loved ones, but be sure to take care of yourself. Communication with your parents and siblings is key.
There are many driver safety courses and booklets that discuss how to talk to aging parents about driving. The Harford Financial Services Group, Inc. and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology AgeLab published an informative guide that offers practical tips for talking to seniors about safe driving. Visit
www.thehartford.com/talkwitholderdrivers to learn about how to initiate Family Conservations with Older Drivers.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
I came of age in the 1960s. I demonstrated against the construction of nuclear power plants and the war in Vietnam. I marched in support of civil rights and the women’s movement. I thought we could change the world. “Encore,” a book by Marc Freedman, gives me hope that we still can.
“Encore” is subtitled Finding Work that Matters in the Second Half of Life. Instead of focusing on retirement as a time of freedom from work, the book celebrates the freedom to work. It is not a how-to manual on how to find work after 50. It is about reinventing retirement as a time to find meaning, make connections, learn new skills and leave a legacy. It’s about finding a “new dream” to replace the traditional idea of retirement.
“Encore” draws upon research involving approximately 200 people who participated in the Still Working Project. In their own voices, they share moving stories about their personal pursuit of purpose. These encore pioneers include a woman who transitioned from a truant officer to a critical care nurse; a man who morphed from a car salesman to a social entrepreneur; a woman who made the change from homemaker to Episcopal priest; and many others. These people embody vision, persistence and resilience in their quest to find their true calling. Photographer Alex Harris captures compelling portraits of these practical idealists.
“Encore” chronicles historical events and trends including the introduction of Social Security and other entitlement programs. It explores the evolution of retirement and the role played by the financial services industry in the creation of the construct “the golden years.” It cites research into the positive impact of working on health and longevity.
Freedman is the founder of Civic Ventures and the co-founder of The Purpose Prize and Experience Corps. He proposes a social model that redistributes work across age groups.
Baby boomers are in a position to solve some of the most pressing problems facing society today. We are the answer to the brain drain. As we launch serial careers or try something new, we are positioned to improve society by contributing our time, our talents and our wisdom.
The appendix to “Encore” is a working guide for anyone hoping to make the transition to an encore career. It provides an introductory guide to finding your encore career and offers resources for careers in health care, education, aging, government, social entrepreneurship and the nonprofit sector. For your convenience,
“Encore” is available in our Amazon Associates store.
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